What Am I Doing?

I am not really sure why I am starting this blog. I guess I thought it would be good to write down my thoughts. I have tried to write my thoughts in a journal but I do not like my handwriting and my hand cramps up when I write. I am probably getting arthritis in my hands. My mom's side of the family has arthritis so I am beginning to wonder how much it will begin to bother me. I also don't like getting to the bottom of a page in a journal. It is hard to balance the book and keep my handwriting looking nice. So, I will try to write my thoughts on this blog. I don't really care if anyone reads it. I guess I keep a lot of thoughts in my head and I figured maybe if I wrote some of them down I would remember other things more easily. I can free up some space in my crowded mind.

I have been married to my husband Matt for 14 years. I have two kids and am currently living in Ohio. Our family moved to Ohio three years ago yesterday. This is probably why I have so many thoughts in my mind today. I miss so many things in PA. I know that moving here was what God wanted but it is hard to swallow sometimes. Lots has happened in my life since we have moved. Some good, some not so fun but all of the things in my life have shaped me into who I am.

I am quiet until you meet me. I wonder if people think I am snobby? Once people know me they say I am nice and sweet. I am quiet to an extent. One on one I probably would drive you crazy talking. I just don't do that well in a crowd. I just don't know what to say. How to keep the conversation going. I will start a conversation but I just don't know how to keep it going. Once you ask the basic things, I get stuck. I guess it does depend on who you are talking to. Some people have no trouble talking at all. They can monopolize the conversation and make it difficult for someone to get any words in. I find myself thinking of responses to conversation but most of the time the subject has changed before I voice my thoughts.

Like I said we moved to Ohio 3 years ago. I had lots of friends in PA. I am realizing now that some of the friendships I had there were close but not as close as I had thought. I struggle with that some days. Other friendships I had there will always remain no matter where I live and I am thankful for that. Those few friends don't care how long it has been since we talked. They pick up right where we were the next time you connect. Life is busy and I appreciate the true friendship they offer. I truly miss them almost every day. I went to a wonderful church and was involved in many areas of ministry. I loved being apart of the Worship team there. I felt at home when I was at church. I am starting to feel a little better at the church we go to now. It takes a long time. I still feel like an outsider quite a bit of the time. I think part of it is my "quietness" and part of it is people's inibility to know that people like me might want someone to talk to. I heard it takes 3-5 years to feel at home in a new place. I have hit the 3 years so I assume it will continue to get easier each day.

I have made a few friends here in Ohio. One friendship has been getting stronger and I thank God for that. I know some people are perfectly happy being home and doing things on their own. I just crave friendship and companionship. I like to be with other people. I am excited to see where God will take this friendship, I really am. She was the first person to text me just to say hi. There was nothing she needed. She just said "How's your day?". That was it. I started to cry as soon as I got that text. Someone just wanted to know how I was, nothing else. I told her about that the other day. She really had no idea how much it meant to me and always will!

Well, I guess I should get going. I need to get my kids in bed. They watched a movie on the Disney channel and are now dragging their feet getting into bed. I think my son has an ear infection so tonight may be a long night.

I like writing so far...but this is the first time. I have no idea if I will continue but for now this is MUCH better than writing in a journal.

Thanks for listening!

Steph